electric fireplaces for corner image
Q. I am 14 and I have more to the story I just want to know what people think of the beginning.
Chapter One
Magic is anything but simple
Winter was approaching rapidly that year. It was only November and yet the air was dry. Will walked briskly up the path to his home, the leaves piled on the sides. Once he got inside he began to ply away the many layers of clothing that covered him.
âWill, is that you?â His mother called from the kitchen.
âYes,â called Will. He walked into the small kitchen and instantly a thousand smells entered his nostrils. A woman with long, curly red hair turned around and Will saw the face of his mother.âI was getting worried about you,â She said with a smile. âYou said youâd be home earlier than this.â
âJamane came in to buy food for the castle,â said Will exasperated. âShe always takes forever.â
âJamane, huh,â said Willâs mother with the smallest of a smirk on her face. âI always thought she was pretty, donât you.â
âSheâs okay looking,â admitted Will. âBut sheâs so pompous and stubborn and sheâsâ¦and sheâs...and sheâs JAMANE!â
âOkay, Okay, thereâs no need to get all worked up. I was only making a statement.â Willâs mother set a plate of cookies onto the small wooden table.
âSorry,â said Will taking a bite of one of the cookies. âWas there a reason why you wanted me to come home early?â
âYes, Aron came over and told me that you need to see him later today.â
âDid he give a reason?â
âNo, but why would he tell me secret information that a sixteen year-old can have?â she said sarcastically, âJust because Iâm not a man doesnât mean that I should be kept in the dark. I mean I was the âmanâ in your life when your father, when your father died.â
Will sighed; his mother had been going on like this since his birthday. âIâm going to see what Aron wanted,â he said getting up from the small wooden table.
âBehave yourself and donât anger that insane skattle of his.â
âDonât worry. Benewen and I get along much better now.â Will smiled and looked at the scar on his arm that Benewen had given him when he was two. In the shape of a W Will was somewhat proud that the only scar he had reflected his name.
Will walked into town and up to Aronâs cottage. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. âGood, youâre here,â said a grizzly voice behind him. Will turned around to see an old man with short grey hair, electric-blue eyes, and a little fox-like creature weaving around his feet.
âHello Aron. Hello Benewen.â
âThe W begins his name, but someday it will be his fame,â came the sing-song voice of the skattle.
âOkay then,â said Will, he had never gotten use to the way the skattle spoke.
âRiddles are hard to make, but mine are certainly not fake. It is not fun to rhyme, especially all of the time.â
âNever mind him,â said Aron. He unlocked the door and they stepped inside. The floor was strewn with books and old newspapers. There were two armchairs by the fireplace and a small kitchen in the corner, along with two doors on opposite walls. Aron lit the fire and put a kettle on the wood-burning-stove.
âSit down, sit down,â said Aron waving his hand at the two arm chairs. Will cleared the chairs of newspaper and sat down.
âMom told me that you needed to see me.â
âYes,â said Aron giving Will a hot mug of tea. âYour magic test is scheduled for December and I wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing.â
âI have no idea what Iâm going to do, but isnât the test to see if I can do magic?â
âYes it is but you have to know what youâre going to attempt to do.â
âWell, whatâs simple?â
âMagic is anything but simple,â stated Aron, magic was always such a touchy subject with him. âYou have to know the Kragle language thoroughly to be able to make anything happen. You have to know exactly what you want to do. You have to have brains Will!â
âOkay, Okay,â said Will. This was why he didnât like Aron very much; he always got worked up about a lot of things, especially magic. âWell then I guess I want toâ¦umâ¦I guess I want toâ¦um what do you suggest?â
âFor you, I would suggest a decision making charm.â
âOkay, how do I do that?â asked Will, partly laughing.
Aron laughed. âThat one is one of the harder charms. Seriously though, I think that you should try to levitate something.â
âOkay whatâs the word for it?â
âLevitainta,â said Aron. âBut make sure you concentrate and point your finger at the object, like this,â Aron pointed his index-finger at Benewen and flicked it while saying âLevitainta Benewen.â The skattle began to levitate and was hissing and scratching at the air. Will laughed and Aron let Benewen come down.
âBecause heâs master he can do what he pleases but he wonât like it when he gets the sneezes.â Aron smiled at Will and winked.
âCan I try?â asked Will
âTry you may but not on Benewen I say.â
âI think that answers your question,â said Aron with a chuckle. âTry it on that book over there. Say novenaâ
âLevitainta novena,â said Will flicking his finger. The book hovered in the air for a brief moment and collapsed.
âThatâs great!â said Aron astonished and Will thought he detected the tiniest amount of pride in his voice.
âBut it fell right away,â said Will confused and a little disappointed.
âBut it rose,â said Aron. âIt rose because you can do magic. Youâve passed the test and you havenât even taken it yet!â
âI have!? Can you teach me more so that I can ace the test?â
âWork on lifting objects for now and maybe Iâll teach you a little more.â
âThanks,â said Will and he set his mug down, got up and began to walk to the door.
âTell your mother I said âHiâ,â called Aron.
âI will,â said Will and with that he exited the cottage.
Chapter two
Jamane
Will walked home, his mind full of thoughts. Only one child born a year was allowed to use magic when they turned sixteen. Magic users were limited because they had more power than the King! And if Will trained really hard, he may be that one! Imagine him, a lowly shop helper, a wizard! And Aron seemed pleased. Aron, who always seemed so old and angry, yet was treated with the utmost respect, thought he could do it! If it came down to two people, Aron would choose Will to teach!
Will rushed home, gave his mother Aronâs greeting, and went to his room. His room was nothing special. There was a small bed pushed against the wall, a desk, and a dresser with a picture on it. Will walked over to the dresser and looked at the picture. It was a sketch of a man with straight, dark-brown hair, like Willâs, and electric-blue eyes, Willâs eyes.
âIâm going to make you proud dad,â Will whispered. Will was only a few months old when his father died. King Moragon needed men to fight and chose Willâs dad. Three weeks later, Willâs mother had gotten a letter saying that Willâs father had gone missing. Years passed and there was no word of his father. Eventually he was declared dead.
In that time, Aron had moved into town and Benewen had givven Will his scar when he had pulled on the skattleâs tail. For some reason, this memory always made Will smile. Maybe it was because he was now fond of the skattle or maybe it was simply because he liked the shape, the scar had taken.
Will picked a rock off the floor and sat on his bed. Not knowing the word for rock he hesitantly decided to use the normal language. âLevitainta rock,â he said, flicking his finger at the rock. The rock rose a little higher than the book had and fell a little later, and he didnât need the Kragle language! Will tried over and over again until he could lift the rock a foot in the air for a minute. He was going to be the new wizard! There was no way anyone could beat him now, unless everyone else was practicing too. Will hadnât thought about that before. It would be cheating for Aron to only give him help. He must be giving everyone else help too. Especially the Kingâs son, Morganarth. Yes, thought Will. Morganarth would most definitely be given help. But maybe he wouldnât practice. He was, after all, as arrogant as Jamane, if not more. He would think himself to important to practice. Possibly every sixteen year-old boy would think themselves to important to practice. For they were not as poor and lowly as Will. They all had fathers who lived with them.
Will looked out his window and saw the moon was high in the sky. He crawled into bed and instantly fell asleep.
Willâs dreams were filled with wizards, skattles, and Morganarth. He woke up feeling less confident and lifted the stone in the air just to make sure he really could do it.
He walked into the kitchen and ate the oatmeal that was for breakfast. âAre you going to work today?â His mother asked.
âI have to,â said Will.
âCan you give these quilts to Mrs. Kindle?â
âSure,â said Will taking the blankets from his motherâs hands. âI better get going then,â He said and left the house. He got into town and walked into the grocery store. âHello Mr. Kindle,â said Will cheerfully. âMom told me to give these to your wife.â
âAh yes,â said the store owner. âLillian told me to give you this.â He handed a small pouch of money to Will. âMr. Fisher also sold me quite a few fish today and I need you to stock them in the ice patches.â
âOkay,â said Will. He put his apron on and made his way through the crowded shop to the frozen meat section. He began to place the fish into boxes of ice, when a tanned girl of about fifteen came into the store.
âHello Jamane,â came the voice of Mr. Kindle.
âHello,â said Jamane. She looked around the shop and spotted Will. She smiled at him and he half-heartedly returned it.
âWhat can I do you for?â asked the shop owner.
âI need to buy some fish for King Moragonâs supper.â
âLucky for you, we just got some fish in today. Why donât you help her Will?â
âWhat- oh okay,â said Will not looking forward to this at all. Jamane walked over to him, her long, straight, black hair flowing behind her. âWhat kind do you want?â
âWhat would you recommend?â she asked, still smiling.
âThis oneâs a large one, fresh and looks good,â said Will trying to get her out of the store as fast as he could. But instead of her getting up to leave, she bent down and reached across his arm to examine the fish herself. As if she knew more about fish than him.
âIt looks very good,â she agreed looking a little disappointed.
âIâll wrap it up for you.â Will walked over to the counter and began to place paper around the fish. He truly didnât like the Kingâs slave.
In the same war that Willâs father had died in, Jamane had been taken hostage from her country, Shiqueta and had never even been looked for. She was placed in the Kingâs service and was a kitchen maid. She was also betrothed to the Kingâs son, Morganarth.
Jamane walked over to the counter. âSo when do you test?â she asked.
âDecember,â grunted Will.
âMorganarth is testing too.â
âHas he shown any sign of magic?â he asked trying not to get his hopes up.
âNothing, Aronâs been working on it with him but nothing has happened yet.â
âWhatâs he suppose to do?â asked Will intrigued against his will.
âHeâs suppose to lift an object.â
âHmmm. Well there you go,â said Will handing her the package.
âThanks,â said Jamane. âIâll see you around then Will.â
âYea probably, bye.â Jamane gave Will a strange look, almost a longing one and then turned around and walked out of the store.
Morganarth and her would be the perfect couple, he thought. Both arrogant, stubborn, and, (as much as Will hated to admit it, even to himself) Jamane was exceptionally beautiful.
Chapter three
A life not worth living
Will didnât go directly home after work. Instead he went to Aronâs cottage. He knocked on the door, and Aron allowed him inside.
âWhat do you want boy?â asked the old man.
âI wanted to know,â replied Will cautiously. âWhen you use magic, do you absolutely have to say what you want to do in the Kragle language? Or can you say it in our language?â
âMost people have to say it in the Kragle language, but there are a few people who are powerful enough that they can use ours. Why?â
âI was just wondering incase I get put into a situation where I need to use magic, but I donât know the word for it.â
âYouâre getting ahead of yourself there,â said Aron. âYou have to pass the test first. But yes there are a few people who can use magic without the Kragle language, but those people have to be very careful not to do magic when they donât intend to. And I must warn you Will, itâs not just words that control magic, its feelings too. If you feel very strongly, you can do something that you donât intend to.â
âCan you use magic with out the Kragle language?â asked Will not listening to what Aron just said.
âYes, I am one of those few,â replied Aron. He flicked his finger at a book. âLevitate book,â he said and the book rose high in the air.
âAs long as itâs not Benewen lifted, master may show that he is gifted,â came Benewenâs voice as he walked in from the other room.
âYouâre welcome, Benewen,â said Aron smiling and Will laughed. âSo have you been practicing?â
âYes,â said Will as though he had been a naughty child caught in the act.
âI thought you would be,â said Aron laughing and Will looked up. He wasnât acting as though he was angry. âShow me what you got.â
Will looked at the book Aron had just lifted. âLevitainta novena.â He didnât want to show that he could do it with the normal language. The book rose high in the air and stayed there for about a minute.
âExcellent!â cried Aron when the book came down. âYou have been practicing!â
âI can do something else too,â said Will deciding on the spot to show Aron. âLevitate book,â and the book rose again. Aron looked stunned.
âYouâre sixteen right?â
âYes,â said Will nervously. Now he was wondering whether or not this was a good idea.
âMost adult wizards canât do this! For your test though, stick to the Kragle language. And donât tell anyone that you can do this! If word gets to the King, you will never be allowed out of the castle.â
âSecret, secret, secret make your mouth shut and keep it,â said Benewen as he jumped up onto Aronâs lap.
âOkay,â said Will nervously. âI wonât tell anyone anything.â
âYou better get home now,â said Aron. Will got up, scratched Benewenâs ear, and walked out of the cottage.
Will was worried now. At the time, he thought that showing Aron what he could do was a good idea. Now he wasnât so sure. Would Aron tell the King? Surely he wouldnât. He had told Will not to so why would he? But what if he was forced to said a voice at the back of his mind.
If the King found out, Will would become a slave. He would be forced to do the Kingâs bidding. He would have to fight in any wars. He would have to die to save the soldiers. If he was discovered to have more power than the King, he would be like Aron.
Aron came to Arainia two years after Will was born. No one knew anything of his past. He was subjected to take the magic test and passed. The King became extremely worried, for no one had ever been able to perform magic before. The King made Aron move into the capitol, Juna, and become his slave. Aron wasnât able to do much, for he was under the constant threat of death. All he could do was train any new wizards should they ever appear.
Will knew that he had to be careful now or else lead a life that was not worth living.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and I really do value your opinion so please comment so that I can make this better.
The plot that I have right now has many twists and turns but I'm positive that it will only be enough to fill a 200-300 page book if this all works out right, if that.
Chapter One
Magic is anything but simple
Winter was approaching rapidly that year. It was only November and yet the air was dry. Will walked briskly up the path to his home, the leaves piled on the sides. Once he got inside he began to ply away the many layers of clothing that covered him.
âWill, is that you?â His mother called from the kitchen.
âYes,â called Will. He walked into the small kitchen and instantly a thousand smells entered his nostrils. A woman with long, curly red hair turned around and Will saw the face of his mother.âI was getting worried about you,â She said with a smile. âYou said youâd be home earlier than this.â
âJamane came in to buy food for the castle,â said Will exasperated. âShe always takes forever.â
âJamane, huh,â said Willâs mother with the smallest of a smirk on her face. âI always thought she was pretty, donât you.â
âSheâs okay looking,â admitted Will. âBut sheâs so pompous and stubborn and sheâsâ¦and sheâs...and sheâs JAMANE!â
âOkay, Okay, thereâs no need to get all worked up. I was only making a statement.â Willâs mother set a plate of cookies onto the small wooden table.
âSorry,â said Will taking a bite of one of the cookies. âWas there a reason why you wanted me to come home early?â
âYes, Aron came over and told me that you need to see him later today.â
âDid he give a reason?â
âNo, but why would he tell me secret information that a sixteen year-old can have?â she said sarcastically, âJust because Iâm not a man doesnât mean that I should be kept in the dark. I mean I was the âmanâ in your life when your father, when your father died.â
Will sighed; his mother had been going on like this since his birthday. âIâm going to see what Aron wanted,â he said getting up from the small wooden table.
âBehave yourself and donât anger that insane skattle of his.â
âDonât worry. Benewen and I get along much better now.â Will smiled and looked at the scar on his arm that Benewen had given him when he was two. In the shape of a W Will was somewhat proud that the only scar he had reflected his name.
Will walked into town and up to Aronâs cottage. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. âGood, youâre here,â said a grizzly voice behind him. Will turned around to see an old man with short grey hair, electric-blue eyes, and a little fox-like creature weaving around his feet.
âHello Aron. Hello Benewen.â
âThe W begins his name, but someday it will be his fame,â came the sing-song voice of the skattle.
âOkay then,â said Will, he had never gotten use to the way the skattle spoke.
âRiddles are hard to make, but mine are certainly not fake. It is not fun to rhyme, especially all of the time.â
âNever mind him,â said Aron. He unlocked the door and they stepped inside. The floor was strewn with books and old newspapers. There were two armchairs by the fireplace and a small kitchen in the corner, along with two doors on opposite walls. Aron lit the fire and put a kettle on the wood-burning-stove.
âSit down, sit down,â said Aron waving his hand at the two arm chairs. Will cleared the chairs of newspaper and sat down.
âMom told me that you needed to see me.â
âYes,â said Aron giving Will a hot mug of tea. âYour magic test is scheduled for December and I wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing.â
âI have no idea what Iâm going to do, but isnât the test to see if I can do magic?â
âYes it is but you have to know what youâre going to attempt to do.â
âWell, whatâs simple?â
âMagic is anything but simple,â stated Aron, magic was always such a touchy subject with him. âYou have to know the Kragle language thoroughly to be able to make anything happen. You have to know exactly what you want to do. You have to have brains Will!â
âOkay, Okay,â said Will. This was why he didnât like Aron very much; he always got worked up about a lot of things, especially magic. âWell then I guess I want toâ¦umâ¦I guess I want toâ¦um what do you suggest?â
âFor you, I would suggest a decision making charm.â
âOkay, how do I do that?â asked Will, partly laughing.
Aron laughed. âThat one is one of the harder charms. Seriously though, I think that you should try to levitate something.â
âOkay whatâs the word for it?â
âLevitainta,â said Aron. âBut make sure you concentrate and point your finger at the object, like this,â Aron pointed his index-finger at Benewen and flicked it while saying âLevitainta Benewen.â The skattle began to levitate and was hissing and scratching at the air. Will laughed and Aron let Benewen come down.
âBecause heâs master he can do what he pleases but he wonât like it when he gets the sneezes.â Aron smiled at Will and winked.
âCan I try?â asked Will
âTry you may but not on Benewen I say.â
âI think that answers your question,â said Aron with a chuckle. âTry it on that book over there. Say novenaâ
âLevitainta novena,â said Will flicking his finger. The book hovered in the air for a brief moment and collapsed.
âThatâs great!â said Aron astonished and Will thought he detected the tiniest amount of pride in his voice.
âBut it fell right away,â said Will confused and a little disappointed.
âBut it rose,â said Aron. âIt rose because you can do magic. Youâve passed the test and you havenât even taken it yet!â
âI have!? Can you teach me more so that I can ace the test?â
âWork on lifting objects for now and maybe Iâll teach you a little more.â
âThanks,â said Will and he set his mug down, got up and began to walk to the door.
âTell your mother I said âHiâ,â called Aron.
âI will,â said Will and with that he exited the cottage.
Chapter two
Jamane
Will walked home, his mind full of thoughts. Only one child born a year was allowed to use magic when they turned sixteen. Magic users were limited because they had more power than the King! And if Will trained really hard, he may be that one! Imagine him, a lowly shop helper, a wizard! And Aron seemed pleased. Aron, who always seemed so old and angry, yet was treated with the utmost respect, thought he could do it! If it came down to two people, Aron would choose Will to teach!
Will rushed home, gave his mother Aronâs greeting, and went to his room. His room was nothing special. There was a small bed pushed against the wall, a desk, and a dresser with a picture on it. Will walked over to the dresser and looked at the picture. It was a sketch of a man with straight, dark-brown hair, like Willâs, and electric-blue eyes, Willâs eyes.
âIâm going to make you proud dad,â Will whispered. Will was only a few months old when his father died. King Moragon needed men to fight and chose Willâs dad. Three weeks later, Willâs mother had gotten a letter saying that Willâs father had gone missing. Years passed and there was no word of his father. Eventually he was declared dead.
In that time, Aron had moved into town and Benewen had givven Will his scar when he had pulled on the skattleâs tail. For some reason, this memory always made Will smile. Maybe it was because he was now fond of the skattle or maybe it was simply because he liked the shape, the scar had taken.
Will picked a rock off the floor and sat on his bed. Not knowing the word for rock he hesitantly decided to use the normal language. âLevitainta rock,â he said, flicking his finger at the rock. The rock rose a little higher than the book had and fell a little later, and he didnât need the Kragle language! Will tried over and over again until he could lift the rock a foot in the air for a minute. He was going to be the new wizard! There was no way anyone could beat him now, unless everyone else was practicing too. Will hadnât thought about that before. It would be cheating for Aron to only give him help. He must be giving everyone else help too. Especially the Kingâs son, Morganarth. Yes, thought Will. Morganarth would most definitely be given help. But maybe he wouldnât practice. He was, after all, as arrogant as Jamane, if not more. He would think himself to important to practice. Possibly every sixteen year-old boy would think themselves to important to practice. For they were not as poor and lowly as Will. They all had fathers who lived with them.
Will looked out his window and saw the moon was high in the sky. He crawled into bed and instantly fell asleep.
Willâs dreams were filled with wizards, skattles, and Morganarth. He woke up feeling less confident and lifted the stone in the air just to make sure he really could do it.
He walked into the kitchen and ate the oatmeal that was for breakfast. âAre you going to work today?â His mother asked.
âI have to,â said Will.
âCan you give these quilts to Mrs. Kindle?â
âSure,â said Will taking the blankets from his motherâs hands. âI better get going then,â He said and left the house. He got into town and walked into the grocery store. âHello Mr. Kindle,â said Will cheerfully. âMom told me to give these to your wife.â
âAh yes,â said the store owner. âLillian told me to give you this.â He handed a small pouch of money to Will. âMr. Fisher also sold me quite a few fish today and I need you to stock them in the ice patches.â
âOkay,â said Will. He put his apron on and made his way through the crowded shop to the frozen meat section. He began to place the fish into boxes of ice, when a tanned girl of about fifteen came into the store.
âHello Jamane,â came the voice of Mr. Kindle.
âHello,â said Jamane. She looked around the shop and spotted Will. She smiled at him and he half-heartedly returned it.
âWhat can I do you for?â asked the shop owner.
âI need to buy some fish for King Moragonâs supper.â
âLucky for you, we just got some fish in today. Why donât you help her Will?â
âWhat- oh okay,â said Will not looking forward to this at all. Jamane walked over to him, her long, straight, black hair flowing behind her. âWhat kind do you want?â
âWhat would you recommend?â she asked, still smiling.
âThis oneâs a large one, fresh and looks good,â said Will trying to get her out of the store as fast as he could. But instead of her getting up to leave, she bent down and reached across his arm to examine the fish herself. As if she knew more about fish than him.
âIt looks very good,â she agreed looking a little disappointed.
âIâll wrap it up for you.â Will walked over to the counter and began to place paper around the fish. He truly didnât like the Kingâs slave.
In the same war that Willâs father had died in, Jamane had been taken hostage from her country, Shiqueta and had never even been looked for. She was placed in the Kingâs service and was a kitchen maid. She was also betrothed to the Kingâs son, Morganarth.
Jamane walked over to the counter. âSo when do you test?â she asked.
âDecember,â grunted Will.
âMorganarth is testing too.â
âHas he shown any sign of magic?â he asked trying not to get his hopes up.
âNothing, Aronâs been working on it with him but nothing has happened yet.â
âWhatâs he suppose to do?â asked Will intrigued against his will.
âHeâs suppose to lift an object.â
âHmmm. Well there you go,â said Will handing her the package.
âThanks,â said Jamane. âIâll see you around then Will.â
âYea probably, bye.â Jamane gave Will a strange look, almost a longing one and then turned around and walked out of the store.
Morganarth and her would be the perfect couple, he thought. Both arrogant, stubborn, and, (as much as Will hated to admit it, even to himself) Jamane was exceptionally beautiful.
Chapter three
A life not worth living
Will didnât go directly home after work. Instead he went to Aronâs cottage. He knocked on the door, and Aron allowed him inside.
âWhat do you want boy?â asked the old man.
âI wanted to know,â replied Will cautiously. âWhen you use magic, do you absolutely have to say what you want to do in the Kragle language? Or can you say it in our language?â
âMost people have to say it in the Kragle language, but there are a few people who are powerful enough that they can use ours. Why?â
âI was just wondering incase I get put into a situation where I need to use magic, but I donât know the word for it.â
âYouâre getting ahead of yourself there,â said Aron. âYou have to pass the test first. But yes there are a few people who can use magic without the Kragle language, but those people have to be very careful not to do magic when they donât intend to. And I must warn you Will, itâs not just words that control magic, its feelings too. If you feel very strongly, you can do something that you donât intend to.â
âCan you use magic with out the Kragle language?â asked Will not listening to what Aron just said.
âYes, I am one of those few,â replied Aron. He flicked his finger at a book. âLevitate book,â he said and the book rose high in the air.
âAs long as itâs not Benewen lifted, master may show that he is gifted,â came Benewenâs voice as he walked in from the other room.
âYouâre welcome, Benewen,â said Aron smiling and Will laughed. âSo have you been practicing?â
âYes,â said Will as though he had been a naughty child caught in the act.
âI thought you would be,â said Aron laughing and Will looked up. He wasnât acting as though he was angry. âShow me what you got.â
Will looked at the book Aron had just lifted. âLevitainta novena.â He didnât want to show that he could do it with the normal language. The book rose high in the air and stayed there for about a minute.
âExcellent!â cried Aron when the book came down. âYou have been practicing!â
âI can do something else too,â said Will deciding on the spot to show Aron. âLevitate book,â and the book rose again. Aron looked stunned.
âYouâre sixteen right?â
âYes,â said Will nervously. Now he was wondering whether or not this was a good idea.
âMost adult wizards canât do this! For your test though, stick to the Kragle language. And donât tell anyone that you can do this! If word gets to the King, you will never be allowed out of the castle.â
âSecret, secret, secret make your mouth shut and keep it,â said Benewen as he jumped up onto Aronâs lap.
âOkay,â said Will nervously. âI wonât tell anyone anything.â
âYou better get home now,â said Aron. Will got up, scratched Benewenâs ear, and walked out of the cottage.
Will was worried now. At the time, he thought that showing Aron what he could do was a good idea. Now he wasnât so sure. Would Aron tell the King? Surely he wouldnât. He had told Will not to so why would he? But what if he was forced to said a voice at the back of his mind.
If the King found out, Will would become a slave. He would be forced to do the Kingâs bidding. He would have to fight in any wars. He would have to die to save the soldiers. If he was discovered to have more power than the King, he would be like Aron.
Aron came to Arainia two years after Will was born. No one knew anything of his past. He was subjected to take the magic test and passed. The King became extremely worried, for no one had ever been able to perform magic before. The King made Aron move into the capitol, Juna, and become his slave. Aron wasnât able to do much, for he was under the constant threat of death. All he could do was train any new wizards should they ever appear.
Will knew that he had to be careful now or else lead a life that was not worth living.
Thank you to everyone who reads this and I really do value your opinion so please comment so that I can make this better.
The plot that I have right now has many twists and turns but I'm positive that it will only be enough to fill a 200-300 page book if this all works out right, if that.
Answer
Wonderful!! This story had the makings of the beginning of a new fantasy series. It has adventure, turmoil, and a hint of romance (Jamane). You have a very nice writing style that makes the reader want to know more about Will. Your story has good, smooth flow and very informal, thoughtful language. You might want to get more in touch with Will's feelings, though. For example, when Jamane casts a longing look in Will's direction when he is wrapping her fish, you could say that he felt a bit confused or embarrassed. During the part when Will vents his feelings about Morganarth, you could say he was imagining doing some rather mean things to him ("Will could almost picture himself sinking his fist into Morganarth's sneering, arrogant face." or you could say" "Will imagined himself unleashing his magical powers while Morganarth grew red-faced with jealousy.) I think that getting the readers more connected with Will would make the readers feel much closer to him and would make them more willing (pun intended) to follow him on his journey. You did an awesome job and I wish you luck on your story. (I hope your story turns into a book or a series!!! It's sure to be a bestseller!)
Wonderful!! This story had the makings of the beginning of a new fantasy series. It has adventure, turmoil, and a hint of romance (Jamane). You have a very nice writing style that makes the reader want to know more about Will. Your story has good, smooth flow and very informal, thoughtful language. You might want to get more in touch with Will's feelings, though. For example, when Jamane casts a longing look in Will's direction when he is wrapping her fish, you could say that he felt a bit confused or embarrassed. During the part when Will vents his feelings about Morganarth, you could say he was imagining doing some rather mean things to him ("Will could almost picture himself sinking his fist into Morganarth's sneering, arrogant face." or you could say" "Will imagined himself unleashing his magical powers while Morganarth grew red-faced with jealousy.) I think that getting the readers more connected with Will would make the readers feel much closer to him and would make them more willing (pun intended) to follow him on his journey. You did an awesome job and I wish you luck on your story. (I hope your story turns into a book or a series!!! It's sure to be a bestseller!)
Wood working people out there?
Atsa me At
help., I have an electric fireplace insert, want to build a corner mantle for it? Have you ever done such? Any ideas...? Have all my own tools to do so, going to buy a preformed top piece for this, but was wondering what I would use for the side, bottom? thank you
Answer
Should first determine what the house aria you install, what type of material is to be installed, if I get more details I can give my opinion, if you want me more specifications to see if I can help.
Should first determine what the house aria you install, what type of material is to be installed, if I get more details I can give my opinion, if you want me more specifications to see if I can help.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers
Title Post: Is this a good start for a story?
Rating: 100% based on 99998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thank FOr Coming TO My Blog
Rating: 100% based on 99998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thank FOr Coming TO My Blog
No comments:
Post a Comment